Vegetarians (and Sneakers)
I am a hard woman to please.
I dated a guy who was a meat and potatoes guy, ate nary a fruit or vegetable, and I never let him hear the end of it. I constantly barraged him with questions like "do you eat lettuce?" "you never get any toppings on pizza?" "why not?" and "do you think one day you're going to wake up 30 pounds heavier?" (for the record, he was thin and toned). I currently work for someone who is a meat and potatoes guy as well and I get endless amusement from the fact that he eats pancakes with a side order of toast for breakfast and at some of the finest restaurants in New York and LA, he always orders a "plain hamburger."
On the flip side, vegetarians annoy me. That doesn't sound right. What I mean is, I support their choice and all, I really do, but not when their choice to be a vegetarian affects me. I'm not completely unreasonable: My Dad was a vegetarian (he only ate fish) for like 30 years and it didn't annoy me at all, he's my Pops and I support him. But I am very glad that now he eats steak and lamb chops and all sorts of meaty deliciousness because my Mom is a great cook and it's more fun if we can all share and enjoy her meals. Simply put: I love a good burger - specifically at the Burger Joint in Le Parker Meridien, at PJ Clarke's, at JG Melon's, at the Shake Shack, or at the new BRGR - and I want others to love a good burger as well (or at least a steak or roast chicken or the Thanksgiving turkey!)
When someone in my department at work was hiring a new assistant, my exact words to her were: "hire a brunette and not a vegetarian." I got 1 out of 2 - the person she hired is brunette but lo and behold, she turned out to be a vegetarian. And again, for those of you who are like - why do you care? Well, I care because three of my work friends departed in the last 6 months and now this assistant is one of my few same-age work friends and we can never go out to lunch together because she brings in her lunch everyday because she's a vegetarian.
Recently, I was talking to a cute guy at a party. He was wearing Sambas, the old-school indoor soccer shoe by Adidas, and I have a thing for guys in cool sneakers, and nothing is cuter than Sambas. Within a couple minutes of the conversation, he revealed that he was a vegetarian. I asked how long he'd been a vegetarian and his answer was "3 weeks." Damn it, 3 weeks too late to convince him to be a man and eat a fucking steak! Hey, I'm just kidding. He said the reasons he became a vegetarian were two-fold and both specific to the United States - (1) the cruelty to animals and (2) the hormones and other unhealthy stuff that is injected into meat. I can't really argue against either one. There is organic, grass-fed meat sold at Whole Foods and other specialty stores, but I'm sure it's expensive and a pain in the ass to buy. And I'm not saying I wouldn't date a vegetarian, of course I would, I just think it makes things a little more difficult. I applaud the will power and the conviction, I really do, but I personally live by a different set of rules and prefer to get my protein from meat, poultry, and fish, not soy bullshit and beans.
Well, last night I met another guy, sort of in a set-up kind of way, and he was perfectly nice and smart and I should probably add, has a giant tattoo (or many tattoos) down his entire arm (I believe this is called a "sleeve" in the bidness). He offered to give me a ride home and as we approached his car, I noticed a very cool pair of Pumas inside. I love Pumas - I owned 5 consecutive pairs of the California style before they stopped making them - and like I said, I love guys with good sneakers. "Cool Pumas" I said to him, thinking that this was an innocuous statement. Turns out, not so much. They were not his sneakers after all (a friend had left them in his car). He stated that he doesn't wear Pumas, or any leather or suede or any animal-based products. I think I actually laughed, because I sort of didn't believe him, what were the odds that this kid was a vegan when I had JUST met a vegetarian boy like 3 days before?! "Seriously?" I asked him. "Yes," he explained with vehemence, "I am a vegan and Pumas go against everything I believe in." So serious he was that he rolled up his shirt to show me that he has the word VEGAN tattooed down his forearm!! Now what are the odds of THAT?!
My SAT tutor in high school was a vegan. I learned this fact when I offered him some of my Swedish Fish candy and got a lecture. I am not anti-vegan at all, I'm sure it's very healthy and cleansing, but I wouldn't last one second. No eggs? No cheese? No smoked salmon on my bagel? No milk with my cereal? No juicy steak? No thank you. I'm not even saying I wouldn't date a vegetarian or even a vegan...but that's mostly because I have to leave the possibility open in case Jake Gyllenhaal suddenly begins to scorn meat. If the makers of my Asic Tigers (my new sneaker obsession) can find a way to make them out of non-animal products, I'll surely switch over. I don't like cruelty to animals any more than the next guy. And I'd of course prefer to eat meat that wasn't procured and packaged in a shady and cruel environment. But I just find vegetarianism and veganism way too strident and limiting for my taste. I am a big fan of the "everything in moderation" lifestyle. With the exception being - I'll take a preponderance of boys, with cool sneakers, but I'd like them with a heaping side of meat. That, my friends, is the ideal combination.
I dated a guy who was a meat and potatoes guy, ate nary a fruit or vegetable, and I never let him hear the end of it. I constantly barraged him with questions like "do you eat lettuce?" "you never get any toppings on pizza?" "why not?" and "do you think one day you're going to wake up 30 pounds heavier?" (for the record, he was thin and toned). I currently work for someone who is a meat and potatoes guy as well and I get endless amusement from the fact that he eats pancakes with a side order of toast for breakfast and at some of the finest restaurants in New York and LA, he always orders a "plain hamburger."
On the flip side, vegetarians annoy me. That doesn't sound right. What I mean is, I support their choice and all, I really do, but not when their choice to be a vegetarian affects me. I'm not completely unreasonable: My Dad was a vegetarian (he only ate fish) for like 30 years and it didn't annoy me at all, he's my Pops and I support him. But I am very glad that now he eats steak and lamb chops and all sorts of meaty deliciousness because my Mom is a great cook and it's more fun if we can all share and enjoy her meals. Simply put: I love a good burger - specifically at the Burger Joint in Le Parker Meridien, at PJ Clarke's, at JG Melon's, at the Shake Shack, or at the new BRGR - and I want others to love a good burger as well (or at least a steak or roast chicken or the Thanksgiving turkey!)
When someone in my department at work was hiring a new assistant, my exact words to her were: "hire a brunette and not a vegetarian." I got 1 out of 2 - the person she hired is brunette but lo and behold, she turned out to be a vegetarian. And again, for those of you who are like - why do you care? Well, I care because three of my work friends departed in the last 6 months and now this assistant is one of my few same-age work friends and we can never go out to lunch together because she brings in her lunch everyday because she's a vegetarian.
Recently, I was talking to a cute guy at a party. He was wearing Sambas, the old-school indoor soccer shoe by Adidas, and I have a thing for guys in cool sneakers, and nothing is cuter than Sambas. Within a couple minutes of the conversation, he revealed that he was a vegetarian. I asked how long he'd been a vegetarian and his answer was "3 weeks." Damn it, 3 weeks too late to convince him to be a man and eat a fucking steak! Hey, I'm just kidding. He said the reasons he became a vegetarian were two-fold and both specific to the United States - (1) the cruelty to animals and (2) the hormones and other unhealthy stuff that is injected into meat. I can't really argue against either one. There is organic, grass-fed meat sold at Whole Foods and other specialty stores, but I'm sure it's expensive and a pain in the ass to buy. And I'm not saying I wouldn't date a vegetarian, of course I would, I just think it makes things a little more difficult. I applaud the will power and the conviction, I really do, but I personally live by a different set of rules and prefer to get my protein from meat, poultry, and fish, not soy bullshit and beans.
Well, last night I met another guy, sort of in a set-up kind of way, and he was perfectly nice and smart and I should probably add, has a giant tattoo (or many tattoos) down his entire arm (I believe this is called a "sleeve" in the bidness). He offered to give me a ride home and as we approached his car, I noticed a very cool pair of Pumas inside. I love Pumas - I owned 5 consecutive pairs of the California style before they stopped making them - and like I said, I love guys with good sneakers. "Cool Pumas" I said to him, thinking that this was an innocuous statement. Turns out, not so much. They were not his sneakers after all (a friend had left them in his car). He stated that he doesn't wear Pumas, or any leather or suede or any animal-based products. I think I actually laughed, because I sort of didn't believe him, what were the odds that this kid was a vegan when I had JUST met a vegetarian boy like 3 days before?! "Seriously?" I asked him. "Yes," he explained with vehemence, "I am a vegan and Pumas go against everything I believe in." So serious he was that he rolled up his shirt to show me that he has the word VEGAN tattooed down his forearm!! Now what are the odds of THAT?!
My SAT tutor in high school was a vegan. I learned this fact when I offered him some of my Swedish Fish candy and got a lecture. I am not anti-vegan at all, I'm sure it's very healthy and cleansing, but I wouldn't last one second. No eggs? No cheese? No smoked salmon on my bagel? No milk with my cereal? No juicy steak? No thank you. I'm not even saying I wouldn't date a vegetarian or even a vegan...but that's mostly because I have to leave the possibility open in case Jake Gyllenhaal suddenly begins to scorn meat. If the makers of my Asic Tigers (my new sneaker obsession) can find a way to make them out of non-animal products, I'll surely switch over. I don't like cruelty to animals any more than the next guy. And I'd of course prefer to eat meat that wasn't procured and packaged in a shady and cruel environment. But I just find vegetarianism and veganism way too strident and limiting for my taste. I am a big fan of the "everything in moderation" lifestyle. With the exception being - I'll take a preponderance of boys, with cool sneakers, but I'd like them with a heaping side of meat. That, my friends, is the ideal combination.
posted by Susan Goldberg at 2:53 PM
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