The Buenos Blog

Some of the things I learned on my trip to Buenos Aires:

(1) I am no match for Montezuma's Revenge. Besides all the obvious reasons - I'm a pale, weak, Jew, prone to a sensitive tummy - there's also the fact that I'm a foodie. This poses a problem because rather than just let myself heal over time, I find that I get bored quickly of the Gatorade and toast diet and so before my stomach is fully recovered, I dive right back in - in this case, to the local Argentinean fare of steak, and more steak. After days of this pattern, I must now say with all due respect and certainty - I bow down to you, Montezuma's Revenge, you have beaten me. But now that I am back on my home soil, I hope to be now spared and released from your grip. I hope to return back to digestion as I once knew it. Unfortunately, I will not wait for your answer to this. Because I'm a foodie. And I'm hungry.

(2) Know what's worse than Montezuma's Revenge? A high dose of Polonium-210. Like, way worse. One can learn a lot from CNN International. There was a lot of coverage of the poisoning death of a former Russian spy (and nary a mention of Britney Spears forgetting to wear underwear - go figure). Know what else I learned from CNN International? The Iraq War...OOPS.

(3) Turns out, they get a lot of American television shows in Buenos Aires. It also turns out that even when I'm desperate, I won't watch Frasier. That may mean that, while abroad, I found myself watching Two and a Half Men. Yes, I just admitted that I watched Two and a Half Men. But I just could NOT get through two minutes of Frasier. Fuck Roz.

(4) My future sons are screwed. Not only do I want to name them Oliver and Raphael (which a couple of my friends have politely told me are "fruity" names). And not only will I pressure them into being soccer and/or tennis prodigies. But after watching a kick ass tango music band perform live, I've decided that I want all of my kids to play the violin.

(5) We're like The Royal Tenenbaums (AKA a family of geniuses) - My Mom, Dad, and I came up with 40 of the 43 US Presidents names over dinner one night. In case you're curious, the ones we couldn't remember were - John Tyler, Millard Fillmore & James Buchanan. My most significant contribution to this list was coming up with Martin van Buren during a trip to el bano (see # 1).

(6) Overnight flights suck. Especially when there's crazy scary turbulence and even though you don't even watch the damn show, all you can think of is Lost and the plane breaking in half and becoming a one episode flashback and wondering why your hair isn't getting longer and wondering why there's a polar bear on an island and being depressed about the fact that everyone loves Hurley more than you. If I wasn't such a friggin' coward, I would have just taken an Ambien and fallen asleep like a normal person. Only to awaken and find out that it was all a dream, or maybe a scientific experiment, or maybe the hatch is just a metaphor for the black hole of money that I spend at J. Crew. Wait, what?

(7) I want to learn Spanish.

(8) I'm not one to usually succumb to peer pressure, but if Argentinian toddlers can eat dinner at 10:30pm every night, so can I dammit.

(9) They may claim to have disapproved of Madonna starring as Eva Peron in Evita, but almost every store I went into played Madge's music.

(10) My contribution to the economy of Buenos Aires - the purchase of the awesome flip flops pictured above.